Thoughts

diets are dumb

if you recently began a diet as your new year’s resolution, i’m not apologizing for this post. i’m telling you to stop. you’re welcome. am i in any way qualified to talk about this? fuck no. i’m not fat. i’m not thin. i’m not a doctor and i don’t play one on the oprah network …

Continue Reading
Thoughts

shoplifting 101

this week i became a professional shoplifter. lucky for you i’m willing to share my know-how. this wasn’t like the amateur shoplifting i did back in my college days when i’d stuff steaks down my pants at the ac-a-me because my iron-starved blood apparently wasn’t being enriched by grilled cheeses. and it wasn’t at the grocery store …

Continue Reading