I lost my fun

I lost my fun. it just up and left. i looked for it in all the likely places. i tried to find my fun in music, shopping, dining out, mashed potatoes, a swedish massage, and even a happy pill. it just wasn’t anywhere. i kept hoping my fun would show up somewhere unusual the way a missing train pass might, but it hasn’t.

i’m worried that in a moment of fear and self-loathing i may have pushed my fun away. kicked it to the fucking curb. and it won’t be coming back.

not sure if it’s mr. punker’s recent double discectomy, having the home computer wiped out with a vicious virus, my persistent back and leg issues and now a numbness in my hand, my car leaking something, the pugs contracting fleas, the shorter days and lack of sunshine, or just my bad chemicals flaring.

but how is it possible to feel blank and have your whole body ache at the same fucking time?