Some people spend Christmas Eve in front of a roaring fire, cozying up to loved ones, chugging egg nog – I spent mine in jail. Not that I was behind bars. Rather I was witlessly wandering about outside them. Don’t fear – the cops have yet to nab me for stalking woodland creatures. Rather I …

There is no laziness rehab. Despite the myriad of conditions which can now be alleviated with a month’s visit to a private facility, there’s no place for the lazy gal to turn. So though I tell myself that next year I’ll be better, next year I’ll plan ahead and cross people off my organized gift …

Just when I start thinking I’m normal, Christmas gift exchanges demonstrate I’m not. But then, it’s pretty silly I start thinking such things. Every year since high school, I’ve attended Robby’s Christmas party. Well, not the year I ditched his anti-homecoming party to attend homecoming. I wasn’t invited that year. But every year since then. …

Other families have Thanksgiving traditions. They gather together to eat turkey, watch a sports game and reminisce. But my family has its own tradition. Every Black Friday, since I was a young girl, my mom and I would shop. Then one year Skye joined in. And our shopping cadre was complete. Rising before dawn, stopping …

I have no Thanksgiving plans. Skye might try and host her own again. I might go over and help her cook a vegetarian meal using the only pot her mom owns. Or I might stay home and watch a parade or two. My family doesn’t celebrate Thanksgiving. The story why is 80% boring, 17% not …

“Salmonella.” That was my first thought when Anna started to fall towards the lake. I’m not exactly sure why, but I’m suspicious it has something to do with a profound ignorance of diseases and their various methods of transmittal. My second thought was, “should I try and save her?” At this point there’s no purpose …

Last weekend, I memorized I Am The Very Model of a Modern Major-General. If this seems random and useless to you, let me defend my time use by saying my friends have instituted what can best be described as a weekly talent show during our Tuesday night get-togethers. (To avoid confusion, I should clarify that …

1. “Looking back on it now, it’s strange we weren’t on drugs,” I responded. Meredith, Jeff’s girlfriend, had been telling me about his upcoming trip to see a band known for playing instrumental “stoner music.” I commented that he’d always been into such songs and shared memories of countless nights freshman year of college when we’d all …

The World War II Memorial is one of the few monuments available for easy bathing. Not that you should do that. At least not the fully-immersed form usually conjured by use of the word “bath.” Though if you take baths by splashing your feet in a shallow, man-made water hole, then it will be a …

I woke up this morning with a brilliant post idea. “Finally,” I thought, “something that’ll be hilarious and informative!” Then I hit my snooze button and went back to sleep, only to have Tragedy strike in the night. Or vaguely-early morning, which, really, is even more appealing to Tragedy (he likes to sleep in too). …