I’ve never particularly planned out my children’s future; I always assumed I’d wait until they were born to do that. But lately people, partially inspired by Tina Fey’s dreams for her daughter (as told in her recent book), have been sharing their hopes and fears concerning their female progeny and I just hate to be …

Firecrackers, rivers dyed green, elves in pointy shoes, eggs hidden (and subsequently lost) throughout the house – there are many magnificent traditions that sustain America. Yet those holidays pale next to the ultimate superiority of Valentine’s Day. 1. Shot Through The Heart, And You’re To Blame America has a rich arrow history. There’s William Tell. …

Picture the scene: two gals, a bottle of wine and not an opener in sight. In other words, it was a tragedy waiting to happen. But Allison had recently seen a YouTube video she thought could help. In said video a man opens a bottle by hitting the bottom against the wall until the cork …

Some people spend Christmas Eve in front of a roaring fire, cozying up to loved ones, chugging egg nog – I spent mine in jail. Not that I was behind bars. Rather I was witlessly wandering about outside them. Don’t fear – the cops have yet to nab me for stalking woodland creatures. Rather I …

There is no laziness rehab. Despite the myriad of conditions which can now be alleviated with a month’s visit to a private facility, there’s no place for the lazy gal to turn. So though I tell myself that next year I’ll be better, next year I’ll plan ahead and cross people off my organized gift …

Just when I start thinking I’m normal, Christmas gift exchanges demonstrate I’m not. But then, it’s pretty silly I start thinking such things. Every year since high school, I’ve attended Robby’s Christmas party. Well, not the year I ditched his anti-homecoming party to attend homecoming. I wasn’t invited that year. But every year since then. …

Other families have Thanksgiving traditions. They gather together to eat turkey, watch a sports game and reminisce. But my family has its own tradition. Every Black Friday, since I was a young girl, my mom and I would shop. Then one year Skye joined in. And our shopping cadre was complete. Rising before dawn, stopping …

I have no Thanksgiving plans. Skye might try and host her own again. I might go over and help her cook a vegetarian meal using the only pot her mom owns. Or I might stay home and watch a parade or two. My family doesn’t celebrate Thanksgiving. The story why is 80% boring, 17% not …

“Salmonella.” That was my first thought when Anna started to fall towards the lake. I’m not exactly sure why, but I’m suspicious it has something to do with a profound ignorance of diseases and their various methods of transmittal. My second thought was, “should I try and save her?” At this point there’s no purpose …

Last weekend, I memorized I Am The Very Model of a Modern Major-General. If this seems random and useless to you, let me defend my time use by saying my friends have instituted what can best be described as a weekly talent show during our Tuesday night get-togethers. (To avoid confusion, I should clarify that …