Last week, I had a very unfortunate event occur. My bra broke. The effing wire broke and popped through the ribbing and was stabbing me. It was unfortunate. And painful. Even more unfortunate was the fact that it was my only comfortable bra. And that meant something else also unfortunate.

Bra shopping.

Mother effer.

I hate bra shopping. Almost as much as I hate bathing suit shopping. And that’s a whole effing lot.

So I did my due diligence and not only checked out the size and style number of my favorite bra, but I also watched some videos on how to measure myself to make sure I got the “perfect fitting bra.” Did you know that all of the videos and websites about how to find your size contradict one another?? Yeah, that was fun. Add five inches, no add two inches, no don’t add any inches. WTF?

So anyway, I went shopping. And I’ll spare you the part about how I tried on forty different bras. OH YES I DID. Three trips to the fitting room and several tweets later, I had myself a bra…actually two bras. I bought two, but was afraid to buy more in case they all of a sudden decided to be uncomfortable once I got them home. Cuz you know that shit happens. They fit perfectly fine in the store and about an hour or two after putting it on and wearing it to work, you want to pull the damn thing off and throw it away. Though that’s not really possible at work.

But, this post isn’t about my trouble finding a bra that fits and is comfortable. While that is a feat, this post is about boob discrimination. Don’t laugh. It’s real…and I’m a victim.

I’m a woman of practicality. I normally find a bra I like and I buy it in a few colors. Mostly white, nude, and black because those are the most practical colors. I never really look for “fun” patterns or colors because they aren’t as practical. And like I said, I’m a practical person. I’m a persistently practical person. (I love alliteration)

So anyway, I got a wild hair this time and decided to look for something other than white, black, or nude. But to my surprise…there was nothing. NOTHING in my cup size. I thought maybe it was fluke, so I moved on to brand #2 and all I saw was white, black, and nude. Moving on to brand #3, more of the same. And brand #4…you guessed it, white, black, and nude. What the hell???

I’ll admit that I’m a bit large chested. I wear a D cup bra. It’s not HUGE, but it’s not a perfect “C” either. And apparently, as soon as you graduate from a perfect “C” to a D, you are no longer entitled to pretty colors or designs. Further infuriating is that you could be a 42C or larger bandwidth and still get pretty colors and designs, but at a 34D (not my size), no such luck. How does this make sense?

I call boob discrimination. And according to the tweets I received in response to my initial tweet about boob discrimination, I’m not crazy and it really exists!! Oh, and forget shopping at Victoria’s Secret stores if you’re anything larger than a C. You might be able to order something online, but forget about buying it in a store. That’s ironic to me, because they spend so much money advertising for bras that make you look like you have larger breasts, but if you actually have larger breasts? Forget it.

So yeah, boob discrimination. It’s a bitch.