To fully understand this goal, let me share a recent conversation I had with Skye. “I hate that new toilet seat, I’m seriously too fat for it,” I casually commented as we puttered around the kitchen. “What?” Skye replied. “The new toilet seat for Grandma, I’m too fat for it and it’s always freezing cold.” …
Why You Probably Shouldn’t Ask Me To Pet Sit
Did I ever tell you about the time I forgot to stop pet sitting? I was at work when I got the call. “Hey… so you know I’m home, right?” No. I hadn’t knowN. If I had, I certainly wouldn’t have left my junk strewn all over the house and the dirty laundry sitting in …
And Then I Plateaued, Having Accomplished My Life Goal at Twenty-Five
If you knew me in high school, there’s a seventy percent chance you associate me with livestock. It started with an inside joke between me and Sharon that through some strange, now forgotten, series of events, ended with me owning two bankers boxes full of gifted cow paraphernalia. Growing up in the D.C. metropolitan region, …
If You Haven’t Unfollowed Me Yet, Just Keep Reading…
Is it better to be followed and then unfollowed than never to have been followed at all? Oh yes – I’m getting all philosophical on this blog today. I ask this because the web management program I use for Best of Fates’ feed, FeedBurner, is probably secretly run by my arch-enemy. That is obvious both …
What Was The Tractor Thinkin’?
It has been far, far too long since I held a What Was I Thinkin’ contest. (If you need the translation, that means I can’t think of anything to write about.) (If you need that translated, it means I can think of tons of things to write about, but am too lazy to actually do …
Is It Really Stalking When It’s Family?
Can you really stalk family? Or is it simply an unhealthy amount of interest from afar? Family members don’t let family members live in private – that’s their raison d’être. This is especially true when gathered together. I spent the weekend in Michigan with my cousins. You’d think they’d appreciate my photographic enthusiasm. Strangely, they …
6 Dreams for My Daughter (The One I’ve Yet To Purchase*)
I’ve never particularly planned out my children’s future; I always assumed I’d wait until they were born to do that. But lately people, partially inspired by Tina Fey’s dreams for her daughter (as told in her recent book), have been sharing their hopes and fears concerning their female progeny and I just hate to be …
6 Reasons Valentine’s Day Is Saving America
Firecrackers, rivers dyed green, elves in pointy shoes, eggs hidden (and subsequently lost) throughout the house – there are many magnificent traditions that sustain America. Yet those holidays pale next to the ultimate superiority of Valentine’s Day. 1. Shot Through The Heart, And You’re To Blame America has a rich arrow history. There’s William Tell. …
Shoe Wine
Picture the scene: two gals, a bottle of wine and not an opener in sight. In other words, it was a tragedy waiting to happen. But Allison had recently seen a YouTube video she thought could help. In said video a man opens a bottle by hitting the bottom against the wall until the cork …
Christmas Eve in Jail: A Cautionary Tale
Some people spend Christmas Eve in front of a roaring fire, cozying up to loved ones, chugging egg nog – I spent mine in jail. Not that I was behind bars. Rather I was witlessly wandering about outside them. Don’t fear – the cops have yet to nab me for stalking woodland creatures. Rather I …