I don’t swear.

(I have nothing against swearing, to be clear.)

(Just, personally, it makes me feel like a small child trying to be shocking and thus always ends with awkwardness and shame.)

(I find myself too awkward and/or lazy for most grown-up requirements.)

(But this isn’t a post about my power being shut off, so let’s move on.)

Yet, despite my resistance towards cursing, when I’ve been spending a rather lot of time with a person who swears, I find myself swearing in my head.

And it turns out, I’m easily influenced when it comes to things a little more disturbing than bad language.

I recently started obsessively watching Dexter.

(My mom pays for Showtime.)

(It’s quite the boon to my not-having-a-television life.)

And, Deb (Dexter’s sister), well, she swears quite a lot.

(On a side note, the actor who plays Deb, over the course of the show, married and divorced the actor that plays Dexter. Sometimes that’s all I can think about while watching their close-knit sibling relationship scenes. All the awkward, is what I’m saying.)

But swearing is not the biggest influence Dexter is having on my psyche.

For yesterday, at work, I was walking down the hallway to the bathroom when I passed by the head of my company.

She smiled at me and I smiled back while panicked and thinking “she wouldn’t smile if she knew the truth.”

The truth?

That just went through my brain as though it’s an average fact about my life?

Is my being a serial killer.

Which, to be clear, I am not.

(Pinky swear.)

It’s probably in my best interest that Dexter just aired its series finale.

I’m not sure my brain could handle it for much longer.