This morning 8:30 -10:00 AM

Sarah and John watch a half hour of TV. We cut out Valentine’s and I set them out for the two of them to color and stamp. They happily stamp and chatter and ignore my attempts at engaging them for 15 minutes.

I move the laundry, sit down at the computer. They continue to ignore me.
10:00 AM the phone rings.
Suddenly I am the most popular person in the entire world. In the world.

“Mommy can I have snack?”

“Color this purple, Mommy!”

“Pull up my pants, Mommy.” Said by Sarah, who never, ever pulls up her pants. Her cousins call her Full Moon because her bum hangs out all.the.time. But suddenly it’s the end of the world if I don’t pull up her pants.

And on and on.

I walk out of the room. I glare. I give the ‘mommy look.’ I give the ‘teacher look.’ I know the ‘teacher look’ is scary. I’ve used it on numerous classrooms and it’s always gotten results. My kids? Roll their eyes and beg for more food. Because I don’t feed them, that’s why.

I know I’m not alone in this. As I’m on the phone, my friend, Carolyn, can hear John screaming in anguish. He is in horrible, horrendous pain due to me sitting him on the stairs and walking away. She sighs and tells me that her kids do the same thing. That they will be in a different room of the house, playing contentedly in their awesome playroom when the phone rings. Then suddenly they need her. Need her like a woman needs chocolate when she’s PMS-ing.

So, after tears, screaming, yelling, time outs, and being banished to bedrooms, I’m left with this question:

What do Amish Mom’s Do?

Because they don’t have phone’s.